I’ve had a really creative couple of weeks! Despite the fact that I am not particularly co-ordinated or dexterous, and so don’t appear like the kind of person who should be creative (watercolours wouldn’t be my strong point!) I do need a creative outlet! For me, words, ideas and seeing things differently (photography is cool for this!) all energise me. I wish I was more musical, but I probably need to put more work in with my guitar!

So, what has been my inspiration. Well i’ve had an amazing break in Paris- what I loved was coming out of the UK and to a developed and functioning society with very different values than we have in the Uk. I enjoyed how much less consumerist things appear- less ‘in your face’ adverts, and a much healthier approach to food!

Where we were staying was a really funky and creative district- lots of ‘banksy-esque’ stensils, and loungey cafes.

It was beautiful weather, and lots of real joys and suprises- like cut-out butterflies hanging down from the bridges (Laura loves butterflies!) matching the colours of the leaves gently falling from the trees.

Butterflies hanging from bridge in Paris

My last blog was about transformation- and this is linked in a way. Its all about change, and how we deal with it- what it looks like, and how sometimes something absolutely right can feel absolutely wrong- or at least really difficult.

Growth is the only evidence of life.

Its based on an observation that shortly after moments when i think- ‘this is amazing- I think i’ve just had a little glimpse of heaven’, the winds of change set in and the whole dynamic moves on- its almost like just when our desire might be to bottle the moment, or try to preserve the way things are, God steps in and shifts things on- and then when we look back we have this genuinely amazing memory to draw on, as we grapple with new and different dynamics in different places with different people. those memories are like the ice cream sundae at the end of a delicious meal- and by the time the coffee has settled, you are back out on the road.

Over the past weeks and months, i’ve been grappling with trying to express exactly what ‘transformation’ looks like. I’ve read some amazing books, and had lots of really helpful conversations with people far wiser than I am. However, the one thing that becomes clearer and clearer to me, the more I study, is that transformation is not something that is absorbed from books- or an intellectual pursuit, but rather it is all about a way of living, and living in a way that blesses others. Only then can your blessing be realised. i have learnt this from many people, but most significantly by just giving it a go. In our uncertain world, trusting in an unseen God seems difficult at times, particularly as all around us people are telling us to protect our own interests. However, letting go of this security and stepping out into the darkness- into the unknown, is what true faith is all about. And ours is a God who is there, in that thick fog of uncertainty- the light of the world, guiding our paths- we may only ever see the next step in front of us, but occasionally, like a hill walker coming through the clouds, or a plane coming in to land we suddenly see where we are going.

A church in Peru

Rich Clarke

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This is both a good idea, and a little bit crazy. Either way , it made me smile

What are my thoughts and reflections in the middle of the night? Well, there are lots. I think I need a lot of time to reflect, and I need time and space to myself. It has been a wonder and a relief to have that imposed on me now. My peace of mind and quality of life benefit from it.

But what about those bigger picture things- the dreams, the hopes. I’d love to go to Canada. I’d love to get into photography and painting (for some reason, oils seem to hold an attraction). I’d like to explore Catholic traditions a bit more. I’d like to go on a retreat. I’d like to be able to articulate what i’m feeling more clearly, and to develop the skills to be able to deal with life as it is going on. Often I can analyse things after they have happened, but I get stuck in the middle of things.

I’m inspired to start blogging. This is mainly because i’ve decided that since I fell out of love with Facebook, i’ve lacked a way of expressing myself, and a blog may be the way to process some of my thoughts, ramblings, and ideas with the world. I communicate a lot more clearly in written text than i do with people (we’ll see whether this proves this or not!), so i’m hoping that this will give me the freedom of expression that i crave.

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